Perfect Games to Play After Elden Ring
- Mar 22, 2022
- 1 Comment
You’re sad, maindenless, and you have just finished playing what will likely be the Game of the Year for 2022… now what?
There’s always the option to jump back into it with a new character build like I did with Skyrim 5218973561 times. Or maybe you missed some content and you want to dive back in to seek it out. Regardless, you’ll likely need to move on to another game at some point.
Gamers come in all shapes and sizes, so I'll try to break down the perfect game for you based on your broken, inflated, or straight up weird mental state as a result of playing Elden Ring.
Elden Ring Wasn’t Hard Enough!
Alright, sicko. So you’re the most ELITE of gamers and since everyone complained that Elden Ring was a hard game, you feel that it’s necessary to express your opinion that you thought it was actually pretty easy!
Feel free to try out the lovely game of Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy! This is a cheeky little platformer where all you have to do is get a guy who’s stuck in a cauldron all the way to the tippy top of the map. Swing your little hammer, wiggle your way to the top, and feel great about yourself for beating a very simple game.Then, log onto Twitter and proceed to tweet at all the silly streamers who raged at this smooth-brain game.
Thank you for blessing us with your presence, oh Great Super Gamer.
After failing to defeat a boss for the 43rd time, you started to discover something about yourself… you like pain! Now, discoveries of one’s self aren’t easy to come by. Let’s celebrate by putting down Elden Ring and picking up a game that is sure to cause you more pain than anything you’ve ever played before: Dota 2.
I honestly do not know how anybody has ever positively reviewed this game. Not only is it clunky, time consuming, and incredibly snowbally, but you also can never leave! In most online multiplayer games, if you’re laying on the ground getting your teeth kicked into the back of your skull, you can simply forfeit the match and move on. However, with Dota 2, that’s not possible. Once you’ve committed to a match, you are in that match for sometimes excess of an hour. I… hate it.
Since you seem to hate yourself like pain, this is probably the perfect game for you.
Dying in Elden Ring Wasn’t Your Fault
Well, of course you dodged! We all saw you dodge! That stupid game Elden Ring just didn’t properly get your input. That’s what’s wrong! Oh wait, no, that was definitely a glitch! That boss isn’t supposed to move like that! How did that attack hit you? You were clearly out of the way. Dying can’t be your fault… if it was your fault, you surely wouldn’t like that.
Overwatch is the perfect game for you! You see, since you’re an elite gamer that could do no wrong, you can simply screech at your five teammates about everything that they are doing wrong. You will even have evidence that you are doing everything right because you "have gold damage!”
Even if, SOMEHOW, you aren’t playing well and don’t have any medals, you will still have the option to complain about the current meta and how Blizzard ruined this once great game by introducing characters that “broke the game.”
Maybe the devs will learn from their mistakes in Overwatch 2, but you surely won’t.
You Don’t Want to Live On This Planet Anymore
Hey, Elden Ring had a pretty dang good story, but sometimes all the violence is a little bit much. It’s totally ok to want to be immersed in a story without the constant fear for your life… sometimes you just want to explore!
For all you space nerds out there, Outer Wilds is the perfect, mostly chill game for feeding your curiosity and deep-diving into a beautifully written story. It has won numerous awards for its gameplay and writing, and every single one of them is deserved.
HOWEVER, do not look anything up about this game. Don’t watch people play it. Don’t look at the Steam reviews. Don’t even look through the whole Steam page. This game can and will be spoiled by degenerates on the internet.
If you trust me when I say that this is one of the most immersive and beautiful games to be released in the last decade, then just pick it up and play it. I actually cannot think of a single game that I would recommend more to people who want to explore, learn, investigate, and fly through space on a ship. Everyone should play this game.
Crying is Good for the Soul
Sometimes all you need after being frustrated for a long time is a good cry. So after Elden Ring beats you down, let’s think of playing a feel-good game that will tug on those sensitive little heart-strings of yours.
Firewatch is the perfect, chill, heartfelt story of a man named Henry who ran away from an ugly life to work as a fire lookout in the Wyoming wilderness.
It’s a short game, but its audio, visuals, and story will have you so deeply immersed that you’ll forget what is reality and what is real life. The writers of this game did a beautiful job of creating an engaging story that is almost impossible to put down. I think this game is best enjoyed in one long sitting. Grab yourself a glass of wine (or juice), light some candles, play this game, and cry.
Brain No Work No More
Elden Ring hard and brain hurt now. It too much. Too many scary. Too many ow.
It’s OK. Turn brain off. Go smooth brain.
Just click. Play old school Runescape.
Chop tree. Cook fish. Train skills. Hit 99. Repeat.